For me, crying is a physical response to mundane frustration, momentary sadness, and temporary pain. Weeping is different than crying. Weeping is the physical response my body expresses after a prolonged, stressful experience, as a way to let out feelings of intense grief, and also as catharsis in times when things just aren’t optimal.

This morning I finished Steven Erikson’s fantasy masterpiece “Deadhouse Gates.” The ending to this book made me weep. Profusely. Twice. Never in my life have I experienced something like this from a book. Sure–I’ve felt strongly about things I’ve read in the past, but can’t honestly remember any book that’s affected me with such grief and sorrow as the end of “Deadhouse Gates.”

Experiencing The Chain of Dogs over the last month has been a profound and spiritual experience for me.

Considering all of the things happening in my life at the moment, I desperately needed the release that Erikson helped me arrive to. The endless ordeal of having to maintain decorum in my work life has been pushing me over the edge for sometime now. I yearn to do the right thing, for myself, for others. Concepts of honor and integrity shouldn’t feel like they are subjective things. It feels like the world has made them like that in many ways. Are there too many shades of grey?

I want to be free and I want to allow others around me to have the same privilege. This is always easier said than accomplished. Our world is one that keeps us in a prison of notifications and impulsive behavior if we let it. Program or be programmed. Some of us have patience. While some have been placed on this planet to learn it. We have always lived in times where the self-centered push back against the selfless.

The world is always ending. Change is the only constant. The apocalypse is and always has been now. The 1980s were shit. The 1990s were shit. The 1340s? Shit. The world is always shit, for someone. Humans are funny.

I digress.

“Deadhouse Gates” was a thought provoking and emotional read. I wholeheartedly recommend seeking out controlled experiences (like reading, or creating) that cause intense emotional catharsis when it feels like the world around you is bleak and without necessary release. It’ll make you feel better, even if it’s just for a little while.